This morning we got all dolled up to go see Santa Clause at my in-laws' church. We waited for an hour (AN HOUR) in line for Ethan to scream and cry in response to being placed on some white bearded stranger's lap. For older kids visiting Santa is exciting, magical even. For an almost 2-year old it seems to be traumatizing. In desperation I sat on the arm of Santa's chair with Ethan so we could get a half-way decent picture. Santa wrapped his arm low around my waist for the shot and it felt weird. I don't blame Ethan for throwing a fit.
We watched the original claymation Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer last weekend, which is my favoritest of favorite Christmas movie of all time. It was much shorter than I remember. When it was over I felt depressed. There are so many things that I would like to change about myself as a kid if I could go back. Today when we were at the church and the other kids were running around playing and jumping and laughing, Ethan stood by quietly watching. I don't want him to be a watcher. We make it a point to do everything we can to build up his confidence, telling him "Good job!" and "You did it!" and showing him lots and lots of love. I was always a watcher. I had negative confidence as a kid. I want Ethan to always know that he can do anything he puts his mind to, that he's good enough and smart enough and capable. I was always good enough and smart enough and capable, too, I just didn't realize it in time. He eventually joined in with the other kids and had a good time, but for a moment I saw myself in him and it scared me half to death. I think it's safe to say that I'd like for Ethan to be the total opposite of myself as a kid. I don't want him to spend his twenties wondering why he didn't do this or that, why he never fully lived, why he spent all his time watching.
We saw a few kids and parents from E's daycare at the Santa gig. I am such a social dork it's pathetic. I guess I always assumed that the parent's of kids in the same class would be automatic friends, but that isn't the case. When I took Ethan over to say hi to one of his pals from school, the mom hardly even looked at me. She was too busy scolding her other fifteen precious darlings to STOP [running, screaming, fighting, kicking] RIGHT NOW, I guess. And she probably noticed me counting her kids and eyeing her ringless wedding finger. Maybe she was just jealous because Ethan is clearly the cutest toddler in the whole wide world, and therefore her kid is not the cutest toddler in the whole wide world. That would upset me, too. Anyway, I get the yucky taste of High School in my mouth when I try to make small talk with these parents. I hope Ethan doesn't inherit my inability to socialize or my great ability to jam my entire foot and half my leg into my mouth.
Yesterday I made a quick run to the mall before picking Ethan up at daycare. I had exactly 45 minutes to shop. I found the cutest little dress for tonight's company Christmas dinner in about five minutes flat, and even better was that it fit perfectly when I tried it on, and even better-better-BEST was that it rang up as only $15 at the register (I love JC Penny's!). Gotta love those pre-Christmas sales. Per my request, D's Christmas gift to me is sending me off to the mall with a pocket full of cash while he watches the tot. Heaven! I'm very excited. The fact that I like JC Penny's so damn much makes me feel so old and lame. I guess it could be worse. I could love Sears.